I don’t do closure

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The dream of not having to get up and rush out to work everyday is finally within my reach.  It’s so close, I can almost reach out and grab it.  In just over 2 weeks, I will walk out the door at my current place of employment for the last time.  Standing between me and that day is what seems like an eternity.

Sure, I’ve had these plans in mind for months.  I’ve been working on making them happen.  I’ve been looking forward to my new start.  But now that it’s so close, I have to face the reality.  There is going to be closure.  Let me tell you, closure and I are not good friends.  Take the excitement I have about starting school and embarking on my new journey.  Add to it a strong dose of anxiety about new, unknown territory.  What you have there is already an emotional tidal wave.  Top it off with the fact that everyone and their brother here at work is going to want to say goodbye to me, and you’ve got yourself a really big mess.

This is a reality that I knew would come.  Right now, the excitement is pushing through pretty strong and is drowning out the anxiety.  That surely won’t last.  I expect that by the time I return from our vacation, the anxiety level will be maxed out. 

On my last day, my group is having a “going away lunch” for me.  While I do appreciate the gesture, I don’t want to have to stand in front of people and say goodbye.  It’s going to be tough enough to have people come to me one by one.  At the lunch, I’m sure there will be some expectation that I’ll say something to the group.  There will also be people there that I don’t really feel the need to say goodbye to, but I’ll probably have to do it…as a formality. 

I don’t want to have a grand sendoff.  I just want to leave quietly…like I would any other day. 

Of course, I’d still do a major happy dance in the parking lot.

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